20 years a writer, and still typing
Can we really put a start date on being an artist? No, but there are always milestones...
There are other things to talk about, for sure. But even with so much going on in the world, an anniversary is a good time to reflect. Twenty years ago this month, in 2005, my first novel BOY PROOF came out.
It’s the story about a nerdy girl named Egg who basically cosplays as her favorite film character to go to school and uses it as an armor to protect herself from everyone. Then a new kid comes in and side swipes her whole world. There is a great platonic friendship, public art viewing, going to protests against a corporation, photography, an actor mom and a special effects make up dad, finding ones self and voice and Los Angeles.
BOY PROOF was the first of what I call my Los Angeles Trilogy. QUEEN OF COOL and BEIGE are the other two.
I got the idea for BOY PROOF in 2002 when working at my friend Phil’s transcription company doing time code. I was time coding a behind the scenes Matrix documentary for the DVD Extras (remember those. good old times) and there was a girl dressed up as Trinity who said she went to school dressed up as her and that her teachers and family said that it was just a phase, but that to her the Matrix was forever. I was like, “I want to write about that girl.” I coupled that with inspiration from a thing that happened at another job I had, being a Hollywood Background Actor (that’s how and why I am a proud SAG-AFTRA member!) I was interviewing to be a child ape in Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes (oh why didn’t you pick me!) and I had to do a mask fit at Rick Baker’s studio. It was one of the most magical places I’ve ever been. There were masks everywhere and I thought, “What if that was that girl’s dad!” I coupled that with a teenage memory of my many sleep overs at High School friend Jennifer Aniston’s whose mom, also an actress, would always wonder how we could leave the house without make up on.
I called my character Egg, a girl who was obsessed with a film called Terminal Earth and DC Vertigo Comics because she was fragile and still forming. But I didn’t know what to call it until my friend Steve Salardino who worked at my beloved Skylight Books in Los Angeles said “You should write a book called Boy Proof.” I got straight to work.
I sold the book to Candlewick Press to the amazing Kara LaReau (who is a great author as well, read her books!). In fact she was the editor for my first three novels, so together we did the whole Los Angeles Trilogy. She was the best kind of first editor to have. She dove deep and really put me through my paces. I adored working with her.
The book BOY PROOF came out February 17, 2005 and I can honestly say that it changed my life. Though I had had CD’s out with my bands Nerdy Girl and Cecil Seaskull (give them a listen) being a writer and telling stories in book form was something that I had always wanted to do. Having that book come out made me feel as though all of that longing to be an artist was finally real somehow. It was utter joy to hold it in my hands.
Here’s a little promo video I did for Candlewick.
Please note that amazingly bad home made Boy Proof t-shirt.
Publishing my first novel was a milestone.
BOY PROOF changed my life in such amazing ways. It gave me this career that I treasure. It brought me to a community. It brought me new friends. It caused me heartbreak. It brought me other opportunities. It helped me grow. It taught me disappointment. It gave me confidence. It taught me grit. There were ways in which my life changed that I expected and ways that were unexpected and unknown.
The road twenty years down the line from that moment is bittersweet. Then I felt a euphoric high at the publication of that first book and what I thought it might mean to me and my life and my career. Of course nothing worked out the way I thought it would. It never does. So I feel nostalgic as I rexamine where I am today.
What did Boy Proof teach me?
More than anything it taught me that you have to stay standing to have a career, keep making, doing, being, showing. You have to keep believing in yourself even when you think that it’s all too hard. Sometimes, when I gather with those people I met when Boy Proof came out, (I’m looking at you Lisa Yee and Liza Palmer) we kind of marvel at the fact that we’re still standing. Still making art. Still showing up to the page and writing. Still doing it, no matter what.
Because another thing I am reflecting on is how there are a lot of people I started out with on this literary road who left the field or faded away because muscling your way through having a career in art is difficult. The truth is that there are so many ways to be pulled apart in the trying of making an art life. (Read my arty memoir GIRL ON FILM for more on that.) We all know that being an artist and making an artists life is not for the faint of heart. There’s industry changes. There’s fatigue. There’s unfair things that occur. There’s having a lucky break or not having luck at the moment. There’s random confluences that help or harm. There’s gatekeeping. There’s the lack of a livable wage. So many things that stack up to chip away and make us want to quit. Don’t quit.
Ones career never looks like what one thought it would when one starts out. I certainly had a lot of high hopes of what Boy Proof would do when it came out and imagined all the promise of what having a first book out would mean. Needless to say those things didn’t happen. Yet…
BOY PROOF is out of physical print now. But you can still get it digitally at a bookstore wherever you get your e-readers or a library. There’s also an audible audiobook *FYI almost all my prose novels are on there.* To honor this twentieth anniversary of its debut, I’m going to give away a couple of copies. So if you want to be entered in the draw, leave a comment here (or on my instagram or blusky when I post this) about a nerdy thing you did in High School.
Some Reviews of Boy Proof
“Egg’s journey to shed her trappings and to confidently inhabit her own character is one readers won’t want to miss.” — Publishers Weekly (starred review)
“Castellucci’s brooding, smart, self-confident narrator gives a . . . warts-and-all glimpse into Hollywood.” — The Horn Book
“This novel’s funny first-person narrative will grab teens (and not just sci-fi fans) with its romance and the screwball special effects.” — Booklist
My aim, on this anniversary is to be with you all as we fight the good fight and write the good write.
A first book is strange. I looked at it again just today, kind of flipping through it. I don’t write like that anymore, because being an artist is a craft and we hone our craft and learn from every piece of work we make. I have a new voice now, it’s matured like wine, and although I recognize that early voice of mine I’ve moved on from it a bit.
And it’s hard weird times right now. There’s a storm outside (like a real snow storm - 18 inches expected happnening outside my window) and then there’s a storm brewing in the world that we’re all collectively bracing against. I’m also still feeling emotionally raw grieving all the losses I accumalated these past six months and processing how to navigate so much change. I am finding joy where I can. I continue to shout out my mantra “All art all the time.”
I will say that I’m working on a couple of super fun projects that I’ll talk about when I can. And of course, I AM THE COMIC BOOK is still going on. I just finished chapter 9 with art by Rachael Smith.
Thanks for celebrating my books 20th anniversary with me. I’m so grateful I’m still writing and working and and arting it up and telling stories. All sorts.
Send me your news.
Love,
Cecil
Thank you for this. ALL ART ALL THE TIME.
Happy anniversary! xo